I'm still alive, I think...

I think I'm finally...something. I don't know if you can heal from being hurt the way I was hurt. Maybe I should state something. The person who hurt me, who ripped my heart out and drilled a hole into it and put it back in me, was like, my best friend. For 8 years, we were friends. We always talked, either in person, via msn, or even Email. we would just talk. We tried to support each other through the rough patches of life, gave each other space when we wanted to do it alone.

When her first boyfriend made her cry, I nearly ripped his head off and shoved it up his ass (I would have, if she didn't talk me out of it). When I showed interest in a girl, she would listen to my terrible confessions of love that I would run by her first (and she would laugh, because hey, they were horrible as fuck).

When It finally pinged that I had feelings for her above just friendship, I thought, that since she was a good friend, that I could confess (not a horrible one, just straightforward), and she wouldn't hurt me too bad.

Well she did. She laughed in my face. Said she didn't feel like that and probably ever won't. That was fine, it was a far shot, but at least I tried.

But that thing didn't hurt, I had accepted what may have happened. I was okay with the rejection. But what happened as a result of that confession was even worse.

We...just stopped talking. She was never on msn, she didn't respond to my emails (AT ALL), even though she would within at least an hour of receiving it, and I couldn't contact her at all. I found out later that she blocked me on msn, and was probably deleting my emails.

Would you do that? Would you do that to a person who you've talked to, who has defended you, who thought you were probably the best person in the world? I hope you wouldn't do such a thing. I really don't want you to do that, because its such a bad thing to do, it doesn't matter who it is, or if they deserve it. You do NOT do that.

I'm not mad at her. Its hard to be. I, personally, still care about her, and hope she is doing fine and will be fine in the future. Most people want me to do something evil, like, send her a letter bomb (Really Extreme, not to mention terrorist, much?), or to hook her up with some guy, only for her to be stood up and have stuff thrown at her (really mean). The only reason I can talk about now without going through a hours of depression is because I found someone who would actually listen about her, and not tell me what to do. And I'm happy that they listened. that was all I needed, I guess, for it not to hurt so bad.

And thats it for me. If you're reading this post, thank you for reading the entire thing, or skipping to the end. feel free to comment, if you so wish so.