I find something interesting.

I have watched transformers:the movie for 3 days, on infinite loop. I have yet to tire from it. Also. Cannot. CANNOT. CANNOT!!!!!!!!!!! Wait for Assassin's Creed to come out.

That's it for now, I'm really too busy to really post anything in more detail.

Ethan.

*angry emote*

For the first time in my life, I hate an entire City.

That city is Boston. You know why?

First of all, my favorite anime of all time is BECK:Mongolian Chop Squad. I loved everything about it, the songs, the characters, storyline. etc. It is one of the few animes that is almost exactly like the manga, though the anime show only covers chapters 1-30. And the drawing design isn't up to par with today's standards. Besides that, the anime is overall one of the Greatest anime/manga that I have ever seen.

Now, What I'm pissed about, is that, the otaku fans of Boston got to hear Greg Aryes sing. For those of you who don't know (which is alot), Greg Aryes is the voice actor and singing voice for Koyuki.

Now, I prefer Japanese overall, because you can never do better than the original (for japanime anyways), BUT STILL. THEY GOT FREE POSTERS AND A CHANCE TO LISTEN TO GREG ARYES LIVE. T_T!!!!!!!!

I'm going to go listen to BECK now...bai bai

The post that will rightfully be untitled.

I can't title this post, because I don't know how to title this post. I cannot title it, because usually my titles are laid back, uncaring, and are about subjects that I doesn't affect me like the one I am about to type.

Today, there was an incident at my workplace that made me cry.

A boy came in, probably 13-14 years old. I knew he was special needs by the way he acted, and his body movements. Turns out he had autism. Anyways, he was just trying to buy soap, but in the end, we had to apprehend him because he was trying to walk out without paying for the soap.

When the manager asked me to come and give hear my side of the story (I was there when he tried to leave), the boy started to scream and hit himself. My manager began yelling at the guy to stop, but that only aggravated him even more. Afterwards, my manager went to page the boys guardian to come get him, while I tried to calm him down. And that was the end of the incident.

Now, two things that stuck in my mind the most was how my manager knew the boy was special needs, and yet she still yelled at him. You don't treat anyone that way, especially special needs people. They function differently from us, and for those with autism, act like children, because, their minds cannot develop past a certain age (it is different for each person). Another is when I saw how the boy reacted when my manger threatened to phone his parents. He was scared. I later found out that he doesn't actually live with his parents, but with people that are also special needs. And that broke my heart, because his parents didn't love him enough to take care of him themselves.

Now, some people probably wonder why I'm so bothered by this. That's because I have a personal experience with someone who has autism. And I know the cold hard, hurtful reality for that person. That boy will never be able to take care of himself. No one like that boy can take care of themselves. To live day in and day out, depending on someone, not knowing certain joys of the world, simply because they cannot understand it. It hurts, so Goddamn much. And I can't even express it in words. I'm crying right now as I write this post, and I don't think I'll ever stop crying.


Ethan.

heh

I haven't posted in awhile, but for good reason! I reacently went back to school, and I have yet to post anything new. So I've decided to post something that always bothered me.

Ever since I was little, I never liked showing how smart I was. I always hated it, because of the fact that people always hated me for being able to get good marks, without even studying. Especially in Math or Physics, My strong points, my strongest subjects. It got to the point where I would change my mark, just so that people wouldn't figure out what I really got.

I didn't hate the fact that I got good marks. How can anybody? Whenever I told somebody that I got a higher mark than them, I always felt bad, Because it was like I was insulting them, I was putting them down, I was belittling them. I hated that people misinterpreted pride in my mark, for being smug. I'm not smug and arrogant. Quite the opposite in fact.

Anyways....

Nighty night

Ethan.

hmmmm

I haven't had time to write, nor do I have anything, so I'll just talk a little about myself.

I like to read. I read just about anything, but mostly the fantasy/scifi stuff.

And for some reason, I am lately getting into more and more Fanfictions. For some background info, fanfictions are stories written by fans of a certain book/movie/anime, who create a plot on how the story should go.

I started reading them when I first found out about this one fanfiction, called Two Halves, by DameWren. When I first read her work, it totally blew me away why she wasn't writing full-time and publishing her works. Sadly, she did not finish the sequel to that fanfiction, and dropped off the face of the planet. Ever since I read that fanfics, I began following them, but not continously, just an on and off thing, until recently, after the HP book came out. JK Rowling disappointed me with the pairing. Now, I won't really tell you what the pairings were, but one thing for sure, one of them was not harry/hermione. >.<

Yes, I am an avid fan of Harry/Hermione. And Naru/Hina, and many others. anyways. Later.

Ethan.

1 year, 2 months, and some days.

And counting. its been that long since I've last seen my dream girl (other than in my dreams)

I miss her. It's been over a year now, and I still miss her. Nary a day goes by without me thinking about her.

It hurts. Not because she broke my heart (God, if she did that right now, I'd die instantly). I never took the chance by telling her about what I feel, because I'm such a damn coward.

Maybe I'm not allowed to forget about her, as punishment for being such a coward. Maybe it's because it's my first love. Whatever it is, it sucks, because everyone keeps telling me to forget about her, but I CAN'T!!!

I'm gonna go eat a cookie. Maybe that will get my mind off of her.

Ethan.

Emo....EMO....EMO IN LOVE!!!!!!11!!!one!!1exclamationmark

Life...Sucks...I don't know why. I just feel that life is horrible, and I feel like ending it as soon as possible. It's like, my life has no meaning. I can't explain the feeling. Well, I sorta can. It feels...hopeless. I feel like whatever I try to attain, I shall fail. Like, no matter what you do, no matter how you try, you're always going to get the short end of the stick. I look back, and I miss so much stuff, and it hurts. But most of all, I hate the fact that I never took the chance to talk to someone who was important to me. Yes, a girl.

She made life bare able. Whenever I was with her, I felt hope. I felt that I could take on the entire world, and come out on top. With her, I felt freedom. I didn't have to look cool for her. I didn't care. I was just me. And she never looked down on me (well, sometimes, but only if i was being a really big jackass). The only thing I felt that I could talk to her about was how I felt about her. I regret it everyday now that I never see her, that I never took the chance with her, and that I never actually tried anything with her. I miss the freedom I had when I was with her. I miss how she gave me the everything I ever wanted, and never really asked for anything in return (not that I could ever do what she did).

I'm not afraid to say this, because it's true. I can actually say this about her, because, I swore to myself, not to lie to myself ever again. I loved her. I still do. I dream of her. It's the only thing I look forward to when I go to sleep. And at the slim chance that I MIGHT run into her is what gets me going in the morning. What gets me dressed, bathe. and all the other necessities, for the day.

I don't know. It's my first heart break, one of many to come. But I hope that someday, to you, the person who reads this post, and everyone out there, will meet the person who makes you feel this way, and I hope you're not stupid like me, and give up the chance to make it permanent.

So there. That's my random thought of the day, hour, w/e.

I'm gonna go meet my dream girl now. later y'all.

Ethan

Note:I wrote this about 3 months ago. I decided to post it, for my next topic.

Death

Death is not something we as human beings, should fear. It is an inevitable fate that all beings share, whether we like it or not.

In fact, I believe that most people don't fear death, but what comes with death. Some people fear the end of a journey. Some people fear the idea of being forgotten, of not living their dreams, of mistakes, the list goes on.

Most people will lie on their death bed, and regret everything they have or have not done. They don't enjoy their last few moments of their life. They instead, waste it over things that have happened already, thinking "what if?"
"What if I stayed in school?" or "What if I went out with the high school bitch?" stuff like that.

Some people know that, when there time is up, will die with content. They are happy with what they accomplished, and accept that it is time to move on.

And there are few people, who don't care whether they live or die. They don't care if they hurt anyone, or how deeply it scars a person to hear such thoughts of just giving up. Out of all the three types of dieing people, these type of people are the most shameful out of all three. Because, out of all three types, this one, has the choice of living or dieing.

Now, Why am I talking about death? Because I'm depressed right now. And I'm hating every god damn minute of my life.

Is this a suicide post? No. It's not. Though I'm really really tempted into making this post into one, because I have too many people counting on me to keep on living, and to succeed, and I'm not letting them down.

I'm talking about death, because, I've seen my fair share of it at a young age, and never took the time to understand it. Now, I do understand death, and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I can't, because, right now, every emotion that I have, Anger, sadness, happiness, are just being drained from me. I'm turning into a soulless shell of a person, and I can't do anything to stop it.

I don't want to think anymore. Because I just keep coming back to the topic of death, of dieing, and it's really depressing.

Death is the end of one journey, and a possible start of the next. Death is about acceptance. Acceptance of what you have accomplished, of what you have done, and what you haven't done. Death is the one, and only fate that each person cannot escape, and must, in the end reach it.


Ethan

Hmm...

Sometimes, I can have the most random thoughts ever. I would be listening to some song I like, then all of a sudden, I would wonder why the sky is blue, and stuff like that.

But today, My thought was so random, that I actually wanted to just put it down somewhere.

On to the thought. I was listening to the song of Slip Out from the anime Beck, when a thought came to me. What if. when we are awake, we are actually dreaming, and when we are asleep, we are in actuality, awake?

Of course, with all ideas, come theories on how it would work, if it was actually possible, etc, etc.

Theory: Each person lives in 2 realities. We live in each reality while we sleep in the other. So there is no confusion, I shall call Reality one...reality one, and reality two... well, reality 2.

Okay. In reality 1, when you are awake, You're asleep in reality 2, and vice versa. Your dreams in reality 2 is what actually happening in reality 1, and yet again, vice versa. Now, this would mean that there would be an infinite amount of reality 1s and 2s.

But afterwards, I realized that People have all these theories all the time. But people like Albert Einstein, Issac Newton, Hitler (yes, bad person, but I need a negative, here, and he's the only one I can think of) are the crazy ones who have the balls, and are crazy enough to think that their theories are true. Thank God for Einstein and Newton that their theories were actually true, and that Hitler's wasn't.

Anyways...Thoughts are done. Need to do some other stuff now. Like play Phoenix Wright.

Ethan

Thoughts from a Cashier

Kay. As some people might know, I work as a part time cashier at Wal-Mart. As said from my previous post, I find that I like working at Wal-mart better than Mcdonalds-more breaks, more pay, more time to sleep, (olol), and best of all, You are only given one job to do, instead of four.

Now, I am a somewhat adept person on cashier, I find that I am usually on self checkout, which is basically the when the customer is the cashier. All I have to do is make sure that theres no problems. Now, I have no problem with customers overall, but the customers on self checkout (or hell, as most people call it), really annoy me. But today was probably the stupidiest. Here's the argument I had with a customer. Please note that the text within the brackets are what I thought, and the bolded words are the customer:

"Excuse me, but this machine is asking me to bag the item."
"Yes I understand that it's asking you to bag the item. It is also asking if you would like to skip bagging.(retard)"
"Assistance needed."
"Just a moment, ma'am, I'll help you in just a moment. (yeesh, helping someone here...)"
-5 second pause-
"ASSISTANCE NEEDED! ARE YOU FUCKING DEAF?!"
"Ma'am, I ask you to refrain from using such language, and to wait patiently, I'm helping another customer."
-10 seconds pause-
"Ma'am, whats the problem?"
"My problem is that you're an asshole, and I need your help right now. Fuck, why did I even use this Fucking thing. Fucking liar is what you are, say that its faster."

I stop here because what she called me was the most insulting thing to ever say. Even though I am not of african descent (full Pilipino, pinoy, filipino, flip, what ever you wanna call me) I find any derogatory terms such as the N-word for Negros, hell ALL derogatory terms to be very insulting. Once she was done her rant, with her child right beside her, (it amazes me that she is allowed to take care of that child, seeing how she uses such language in front of her), the following occured:

"Shut up. Get off of my self checkout, leave your items and get out of my store. (*!@&^%*!@^$ SHE CALL ME?! HELL NO!!)"
"Excuse me? What did you say to me?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, your so stupid that you can't do diminutive tasks without a computer's help. Let me dumb it down for you.-Your stupid, don't talk, get off my till, out of my store. That easy for you to understand?"
"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? I WANNA SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER."

Afterwards, the customer complained to the manager about my attitude, to which I responded simply:

"Why don't you call me what you did before, in front of your child, you know, a retard, or a drunk Indian, or better yet, A ******. Come on, you said it in front of your child, Why not say it in front of my manager?"

Simply put, the woman was banned from our store, while, I, for some reason, received many congratulations from my fellow cashiers and some customers. And the manager put me up for a promotion (which I declined, much to the surprise of my manager and my fellow cashiers).

I believe that I didn't have the best control over my temper, I am not ashamed for what I did. 2 years ago, I wouldn't have been able to respond like that, but I learned that if I don't stand up for what I believe is right, then I wouldn't be able to look myself in the face. I don't want to be rewarded for standing up for my beliefs. I'm happy enough that I stood up to that customer, and that I did it without hesitation.

Most people say I seem to have a hero complex. If being a hero means standing up for what you believe in, no matter how harsh the consequences, then yes, I have a hero complex. But I know for a fact that I don't.

Reason: Because I don't care about anything really. For example: you can throw a brick at me, and I would simply question why you threw the brick, and once given an answer, walk off, seek any medical attention if needed, and be back to doing whatever I would be doing, and that would be the end of it. It's too tiring to care what happened and why it happened. What happened, happened, you can't change the past, so don't try to contemplate it, unless of course, you do not wish for a repeat of the event to occur.

Thoughts for the day. I'm going to bed, too tired too think. May or may not continue on this subject, depends on what happens tomorrow.

Ethan

first post. Yay!!

So...Ya...People keep bothering me to make a blog, So I did. Plus, it gives me something to do other than sitting around all day reading. And My cousin, I blame my cousin for this.

About myself:I am...an unknown entity.

Strangers, my friends, even my family, think that they know alot about me, but in reality, none of them do. That's how I like it, and that's how it will stay that way. No offense to any of my family or friends. So ya, anyways. Just got off from work, which is currently at Wal-Mart. Since I have worked only in two places (walmart and Mickey Ds), I have made the decision; Wal-mart is So much better. I get more breaks. I only do one task instead of 4, I can sleep in the employee room, I can eat in the employee room...the list goes on.

So anyways. I r going to go sign off now, because I'm really tired, and I wish to catch some much needed z's

So, since I'm new to the whole blogging thing, I'm gonna try and update at least once a week, and so forth.

Also, I realize that I sometimes randomly slip in some r-tard forum speaking. If that offends you, then I am sorry, but go fuck yourself, because I'm not gonna change it.

Ethan

PS:Ethan isn't my real name. I have so many names that I go by, Ethan, unknown_entity, doofus, etc. Maybe some day I'll post my real name, but not yet.