I'm giving up

I'm Tired. of Everything. All the bullshit I have to go through.

I'm tired of being used as a puppet.

I'm tired of taking out my anger on people who don't deserve it.

I'm tired of living the same existence over and over, and not bettering myself.

I'm tired of worrying for others, when I should be worrying about myself, and doing good for myself, especially when I need to.

I'm tired of hating everything.

I'm tired of life. Its a horrible existence for me, mainly because I do things that don't make me happy, but someone else.

I'm tired of being friends who treat me like shit, and don't respect my wishes if I'm having a bad day (if you ever read this, No, not Colin or Michael are the ones I talk about).

So, I listed a bunch of stuff that I dislike, and I'm gonna either get rid of them, so that I can hopefully not sit here in self pity and not hate the world as much as I do now.

So yah...

Life goes on...

I've been thinking about some stuff. Like My family situation. For some reason, my mom doesn't talk to her sister. I can understand that. I can understand her reasonings for it.

And because of this, I'm not as close to my cousin as I was before. And, they aren't close to my other cousins either.

I don't know. I just wish that they would not let every little thing that our cousins don't do make them bitter. I wish, that someday, we would hang out again. It would be a awesome for all of us to party together, like before. It would be the most amazing thing ever for me.

But it won't happen. Because, sometimes, no matter how much you want something, you can't. And its amazing, how hollow it can make a person feel. I mean, I'm in good standings with all parties, but that means that I feel like I'm in a middle of a major tug-o-war for my attentions, and I don't want that.

I don't know. Maybe I'm being a little childish.

Ethan.