Hum

Yeah...I went all out Angsty on the last post.

Still Pretty Angsty, but I mean, I don't think its to the point of suicide for me.

I don't know what to talk about really. I don't want to talk about something thats so personal that I think would be acceptable for me to talk about.

The only reason I posted my other stuff, was because I felt that I had to, for myself, to keep me sane.

Going off now.

I can't handle it anymore...

I can't sleep. Knowing that your mad at me breaks my heart and won't let me rest.

When you sent me that first text, I was estatic, because this was the first contact from you for the longest time. However, the texts that followed, broke me.

Knowing you want to end your friendship with me, because of me kills me, and I don't want that to be.

I'll give you your space. I'll give you time. I'll give you everything within my power, just please, don't do this to me.

I know I was stupid. I know I went too far. Please don't do this.

I say sorry, because its the only way I know how to express how I feel. I know I over use the word, but know that I mean it, deep down, I mean it, and I'm not joking, and I can't stand it this silence between the two of us.

knowing this has been bothering you for days, making you rethink our entire relationship, makes me lost, and scared, and angry.

Not by the fact that I was stupid in screwing up my chance with you. Not even for you doing this to me. But the fact that you want me out of your life for good.

I don't know what to say anymore. I don't know what to think.

You make me realize how stupid I am, and how much I need to grow, I need to mature, and I need to really mean what I say.

I don't know what to say anymore. I don't what other people do when they want to forget someone. I'm new at this. Maybe thats why you don't want what I want between us.

I don't know what else to type. I can't even think straight. I'm typing this to see if I can tire myself out by getting it down on something.

Its not working. I still think of what I did. I'm...oh god, I'm just gonna stop right now. I'm just...

Hee...

So ya. Two days after Chiristmas Day.

I'm pretty happy. Finally got an amp to call my own, a spider IV line 6, 15 watt amp.

Not the best, but I think it will do the job for me.

Was kinda sad though...I REALLY wanted the fender stratocaster that they had on sale for $100, but noooo. I decided to promise someone that I wouldn't purchase a new guitar.

Anyways, looking forward to starting my new years resolution.

Still looking for a new artist to listen to for February...but I can't seem to put too much effort into looking for one.

Can't really say anything else. Nothing new with my life right now, nothing I don't think is important enough to actually post.

Ethan.

Rawr

Just Wanted to wish Everyone on the internet happy holidays. And from a friend of mine, "Don't drink and drive."

Ethan.

So, I have a new years resolution.

I have decided, since I have given up gaming indefinitely, that I will listen to at least one CD a month. If said new CD has less than 10 songs, then I will try to listen to a SECOND CD within the end of the Month.

this means it has to be a minimum of at least 12 new songs. Because I can listen to a new artist and the would only have one song, on myspace or something. This is NOT acceptable...Dx.

The criteria of the CD's have to be the following and these are mandatory:

-Released at most 2 months before the start of the new month (i.e. if released in January, can only listen to the CD within the months of February and March)

-Cannot be a band that I have listened to before.

-If I have watched a music video of the band prior to me listening to part of the CD, the artist is nulled and void from my list, and cannot take part in it. This video HAS to be the official music video of the song. If it isn't then...well it would seem kinda weird to void them from the list...

Cannot be a soundtrack...

and here is some optional ones for me, ^^:

-A new band. recently big hits are fine, so long as it follows the mandatory criteria above (wow I'm being redundant wtf.)


-Doesn't have to be english, though it is preferable.

-listening to it on youtube is fine...so long as its not an official music video...

-if possible a CD of one of their lives would be AWESOME. Doesn't have to be, but if I get a hold of a live version before a studio version...it would be awesome.

Now, to search for an artist(s)...

Now, some of you, at least, the zeroth amount of people who read this blag of mine may, if your still reading this post up to this point, may (probably not) be curious as to why I am doing this. Reason?

I listen to too much of the same music. I want to broaden the music styles I listen to. I don't want to also just listen to the music played by MTV (which is VERY little from what I've seen).

Not to mention, a lot of my music seems to be RATHER depressing which is REALLY depressing, to the point where I feel sad about eating a muffin (I am not joking, I was in tears while I was eating the muffin, not because it was good, but because I FUCKING felt DEPRESSED ABOUT SHIT)

God I sound like a male's definition of a woman. Anyways, I have found my first artist. They have been around for awhile, never heard of them which makes me seem really stupid especially to people that have heard of them

Anyways its a band called Animal Collective, and the CD is an EP called "Fall be Kind."

it only has 5 songs, so I required another artist(s)...Which I have just found.

The name is Real Estate, and I will be listening to their debut CD titled "Real Estate"

And it is past midnight where I am currently living so, I'll be going to bed. ^^ good night all, and Happy Holidays.

Also, forgot forgot to ask those who MIGHT be reading this at random...Could you possibly give suggestions for artists I should listen to? So long as it has the mandatory criteria above, It can be acceptable.

I think I can finally say this...

I am finally over my addiction to the game of Ragnarok Online better known as RO for short.

I started playing a Private server in grade 12 in the year of 2005, in November. the server was known as Lightside Legend Ragnarok Online, (LLRO), now known as Legend RO.

I joined, because all my friends at school played it. I joined a guild known as Heaven's Swords, led by a man who I viewed at the time as a God, simply because to me, he could do no wrong. He was known as Ken Himura.

For the next 6 months, till the end June, I played seriously. I participated in something known as War of Emperium (WoE for short). I, literally lived, just to play that game. I played it to the point of getting a reborn class within 2 months of me starting it. The name of that character was known as unknown_entity (A champion). During that time, I got some equips that made me a somewhat feared person in both WoE and PvP. In those 6 months, Ken quit at least 3 times. After the 4th time, I decided that I myself should quit just before the start of school, seeing as I should focus on University.

At the end of May 2006, I had left Heaven's Swords, because, at that point, I just hated the instability of Heaven's Swords. I loved the people who were in that guild, because they were the first ones to accept me and laugh at the stupidity I was capable of producing and not insult me for it. They were my first RO family.

At the beginning of June, I was guildless, which didn't last long, seeing as a Sub leader of Heaven's Swords (HS) formed a new guild, known as Relentless Swords. There was only 12 of us at the time, so we agreed with another small guild known as Oniwaban Fenrir.

Together, we formed the guild known as Relentless Fenrir, Led by a new leader, Koenma. I never saw him in the same light as Ken, but I respected him just as much.
Here, I was respected as a decent leader, and capable of defending against most threats. They were my second family.

From June 2006 to August 2006, I had created a new character for myself, an assassin, and I was born again as Ethan Marquez. I made him as a result of admiring Arelas and Dan.

And then...I quit. From September 2006 to the beginning of November 2006, I did not played RO. I concentrated on school. I studied whenever I could. and...yeah.

Then, for some reason, I booted up the client for LLRO, and I began to play again, by the second week of November, I had joined a different guild, known then as Guild Name Goes Here, or GNGH for short led by Patmig, who I probably respect the most out of all of my guild leaders, because he was a great leader, and a great player, simply because, unlike my previous guild leaders, he required skill to get where he was. It was fun. It was different for me, but it was still fun. this began in November 2006.

During that time, my Cousin, Marie, also started playing, And thus, Lilah Marquez was born. We formed Team Marquez.

We had a plan to be the greatest old school assassins in the game, simply because we weren't able to get the money to get the equips to make us the best assassins in the game.

Assassins and their reborn class Assassin Crosses (SinX), were the best class to capture a castle. They were either obsolete, critical, or they had new equips, that allowed them to deal extremely high amounts of damage when there is more defense.

During the time that Lilah was playing, Pat decided that we were to small of a guild to be able to properly be at an advantage in WoE, and formed an alliance that would eventually form the guild known as The First Triumvite (TFT).

Just before TFT was formed, I left the guild. At that time, I was stressed, and I was mad at everything at that point. So I left, and went on to do my own thing. I joined other guilds, but then I quit, seeing as I didn't really care for them.

This was in February 2007? to April 2007. I didn't really remember how long I was on my own, but during that time, Marie begged for me to come back...but I refused. I would rejoin eventually, but I didn't know when...

While I was on my own, I realized how expensive and hard it was to maintain a SinX. and the amount of support I required. I nearly gave up and went back to my champ, but I stuck with it. Just as I was about to stop playing my SinX, I would do something amazing, like take a castle, on my own. I would also help Marie take her first castle, even though she wasn't at my level, and allowed for her to take the credit (I think eventually, she told people I helped, but eh....).

During that time as well, I also became one of the most hated characters to be on the server. I would have massive amounts of people attempting to kill me the moment I would walk into PvP. It was to the point that Marie was also subjected to this treatment.

At the end of April, I wasn't able to play, simply because of my addiction to RO led me to getting kicked out of University. Marie had quit about a month before me.

Then...In June 2007 I began playing again. I had rejoined TFT, out of respect for Marie. I came back on the day of WoE, and what a WoE it was. During that WoE, within 10 minutes of me playing, I took 3 castles on my own. This was unheard of, before I did it. Sure, some guilds took up to 5-6 castles at at time, but this was only as a result of the entire guild, not just one person.

The people in TFT were amazed, and insisted that I write a guild on SinXes. I was tempted to...but I knew that I wasn't the best, since I was completely old school. My time back with TFT was great...for about 2 weeks. Then it broke. I wasn't really in that guild for long to consider it my family...so I don't.

Right after that, I joined a new guild called Chronicles Reborn, with a new leader, Steve. They were the most amazing guild I ever had the pleasure of playing with, simply because they were amazing to talk to, and were just perverted as me (which was a problem with my previous guilds).

So, from mid June 2007 to end of November 2007, I was with CR. And I had amazing fun. I rebuilt my Champ, began playing him again. It was fun. Wasn't able to WoE much...but yeah...

I went back to school in September... I reapplied to another school, and got in, and I decided not to screw it up, again. This did not last long...

About a week afterwards, I joined Redemption, my last Family from RO.

Redemption...So many fun memories...

Anyways, I joined Redemption in the beginning of December. And There I met Shabbir, Evan, Doris, Judy, Cindy, Rikku, Cyris, Alex, Diego. The most amazing people I met. Shabbir, Alex, Diego, and Rikku I knew because we were in Heaven's Swords together. Evan Judy, and Cindy, were from CR. and Doris...was Doris? She was scary...

We were together from December 2007, to December 2008. During that time, I helped Redemption become one of the most respectable and feared guilds on the server. We were hated by most of course, but it happens. At the end of December 2008, 90% of the people I mentioned above decided to quit simultaneously. During that time, my computer was down and out for July to August.

During those two months...The server...died. There were an average of 1k players at any given time when I left.

When I came back, only 200 players remained.

I was astounded, but not surprised. The server owner went on a banning spree, banning many individuals for stupid reasons, and making updates that made somewhat overpowered individuals into individuals who couldn't be stopped. These people got to this point, by nonstop ass kissing. which really messed up the playing for us.

From January 2009 to September 2009, I played randomly, doing random things, just going to PvP, and killing random people.

Then, at the beginning of September 2009...I just stopped. No reason to play anymore.

I decided to write about the time I spent playing that game tonight. I don't know why. It was just a whim.

For a good 3.5 years, that game was a major part of my life. It made me realize things about myself that would have taken a long time for me to realize.

I did a lot of things while playing that game that I regret, but...When I look back on the time I spent playing, I wouldn't trade the experience for the world.

Ethan.